When will I ever learn? An Apple a day can give you tummy ache.

I have a less than a one year old iPhone 5, yesterday I was lying on a sunbed in my garden soaking up the rays.  I picked the phone to send an Email and saw a message from Apple that the phone’s operating system had an important update that needed to be uploaded and installed as soon as possible. 

Being an iPhone/Apple addict I immediately obeyed instructions ……Big Mistake!  During the be previous week I had spotted a number of disgruntled tweets on Twitter to the effect that Apple was continually sending out updates for IOS 7 that caused problems . . . . . . . . . Mutter . . . . . Mutter.   Also that IOS 8 was due to released in the next couple of months.

Being me, I ignored the warnings.  What do those idiots know?  Apple is bound to have a very good reason to put out important updates.  Oh dear!  I duly tapped the screen to download and install . . . . . . . . . That your Honour is when the trouble began!  The promised download began, my phone screen went black and a picture of a plug appeared with the words iTunes indicating that I should plug into a computer with my iTunes programme on it.

I groaned and leaving my promised suntan behind, I obeyed the commands, went up to the office and booted up my desktop.  My computer told me that my iPhone required a complete reset, which in turn would delete all programmes, Apps, contacts etc. in effect returning the phone to its virgin, as new state.  I must have sworn quite loudly because my wife actually came up to see what the fuss was about.

Step one, follow the instructions to reset, sounds like formatting the hard drive on a computer, the process was to take 5 minutes.  After 3 minutes a warning flagged up an error number and stating that the process could not be completed and I could always try again.  After ten further attempts I gave up, put some clothes on and drove to the O2 shop a mile away.

I fully expected a spotty faced geek to quickly sort the problem to teach this senile old wrinkly the facts of digital life.  I lucked in because I got the services of the manager who was at least three years older than the rest of the schoolboys in the shop.  The manager carried out the same procedures that I had with the same result.  The only difference was that I tried ten times; he gave up after three attempts before seeking the advice of his younger employees.  The outcome of their joint efforts was that I should take the phone to the Apple shop in Milton Keynes.

As this is 20 miles away I wasn’t particularly happy so returned home and got on to Apple via the internet and subsequently telephone.  A free helpline chat with an expert talking me through the same procedures that I and the phone shop people had already carried out, produced the same result.  I did find out that my iPhone was backed up on iCloud so I wouldn’t lose any information or programmes.  He also carried out some necessary formalities and made an appointment with the Apple Genius for the next day.

Being a gentleman of leisure and lacking any pressing engagements I duly presented myself at the Apple shop in MK at the appointed hour and I met a charming young lady who could have passed for a fifteen year old and I related my woes.  No problem, take a seat, click, click . . . . . .20 minutes later I was driving home having managed to forgo the charms of the shopping mall but with a suitably restored and cleansed iPhone.

Shall I go to Twitter and join in the bleating about Apple and all the updates to IOS 7?  Probably!  It did nothing for my blood pressure and I wasted about three hours yesterday trying to sort out the glitch and another two hours today when I had to drive 40 miles for the return journey.  Would I change my iPhone for one of the many Android Smartphones?  No, but don’t expect me to give a reason because I will just plead the Fifth Amendment or whatever the British equivalent is.

“If you have an apple and I have an apple and we exchange these apples, then you and I will still each have an apple.  But if you have an idea and I have an idea and we exchange these ideas, then each of will have two ideas”. . . . . . . .Not a lot of people know that!

About Jake

Long retired travel writer, author and freelance journalist. Educated at Wolverton Grammar and Greenwich Naval College. Happily married since 1958, with a married son and daughter, a married granddaughter and an adult grandson. Hobbies rock-climbing, dinghy racing and ocean racing. Still regularly working out in the gym.

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