I suppose that it is inevitable that friends often ask me for advice on travel and geography. I often feel that it is just a way of opening a conversation with the big stand-offish guy standing on his own and not saying much. It’s a waste of time constantly explaining that I’m not at all aloof and unfriendly, just very deaf. I just don’t take part in conversations in a crowded room because I’m hard of hearing and most of the time everything becomes a loud buzz, sounding like a swarm of angry bees.
I suppose it might help if I wasn’t so vain that I grow my hair over my ears to hide my hearing aids, but sod it I don’t like people shouting at me as though I was deaf.
I digress; one of my rather fey friends (I am proud to say that I have shared many a bath with him after a game of rugby) was also standing away from the crowd looking a bit glum. I told him to cheer up as he was looking as miserable as a seaside donkey. He grinned and put on his best ‘camp’ accent said “I’m so hacked off Jake, just been to Waterstones and bought a book called ‘He Brides’ and when I got home I found it was all about these bloody Scottish Islands!”
I think he was joking but you will agree I do have some funny friends.
STOP PRESS: Speaker John Bercow’s talkative, slapper, wife Sally has closed her Twitter account. A nation mourns. Perhaps we need a Guardian inspired parliamentary inquiry “Who Killed Tweeter Sal?”