So many of my family and so called friends seem to delight in telling me that I have a smart mouth. I defend myself by telling them that I am famous for my instant repartee and it is only jealousy and that they don’t understand my fast perception and enquiring mind. However I do remember when I was a baby Midshipman, a Commissioned Gunner took great delight telling me in front of my class, that I suffered the fault of putting my mouth in gear before my brain was engaged. Oh well, I’m far too old to change now.
On my way home from the Gym this morning, I called in at a supermarket to buy a newspaper. As I entered I watched an elderly, frail old guy, holding a large bunch of roses as he shuffled slowly to the fast checkout and I stood back to allow him to be served before me. I said to him jokingly “My goodness! You must have done something really bad to have to buy a bunch that big”.
Silence – I thought he was going to ignore me but then he mumbled “They’re to go on my wife’s grave”. Unlike me, I was lost for words, I stuttered an apology of sorts but the cashier had served him and he turned and shuffled away. To put the icing on the cake, the cashier said, “Bless him, he buys a bunch of flowers for her every day”. I quickly paid for my newspaper and nearly ran out of the shop, I couldn’t think of a single piece of instant repartee. There wasn’t a single adjective in my ammunition box. I came out with few expletives that must be deleted once I was alone in my car.
I related this sorry tale to one of my friends later and all he said was “One of these days Jake . . . . . . . . . . . .”. Well perhaps I do have a smart mouth!
Mr Old Widower, I am so very full of remorse! My trouble is that I just know that it will not cure my smart mouth, but at least I do admit to having one.