Who called that detestable t**t a Celebrity?

I have a confession to make, I have watched all of the series of “I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here”.  I don’t know why!  Is it because I enjoy seeing fellow human beings humiliating themselves?  Perhaps it’s attempting to figure out who decides which suitable has been, never was, 3rd rate name, will be sufficiently short  of readies that they will be willing to humiliate themselves for five minutes in the limelight (I can’t call it fame).  Anyway, watch it I do, so I’ll do three Hail Mary’s and use it to write a Blog……….. Confession over.

I sat down to write this blog thinking that I would write about the helicopter crashing into a pub in Glasgow and the way that the city has dealt with the tragedy by pulling together, banding and bonding as only Glaswegians could but I have sent my condolences and said my prayers.  I don’t write well when I have a lump in my throat and tears close to the surface, so today you get a frivolous piece about meaningless rubbish.

The players who include a few celebrities such as fashion designer David Emmanuelle of Diana’s wedding dress fame, Rebecca Adlington Olympic Gold Medal swimmer, snooker legend Steve Davis, (interesting) and Westlife’s Kian Egan.  Those are the ones whom I have heard of before the show.  Followed by a talk show host Matthew Wright, Miss Universe contestant Amy Willerton, two soap actors, whom my wife recognised called Laila Morse (East Enders) and Lucy Pargeter (Emmerdale I think)

Alphonse Riberio, yes I also said who?  But learned he is the token American and acts in ‘The fresh Prince of Bell Air’.  Then a kid called Joey Essex, I’m not sure if that is his real name or he adopted it because he takes part in ‘The only way is Essex’, I also don’t know whether to call him an actor or what but his agent has great hopes for him.

Finally two latecomers, an Italian dancer called Vincent Simone who sealed his claim to fame by having a pee in the campsite and a wrinkly old bird called Annabelle Giles who thinks that being an ex wife of singer/songwriter Midge Ure and a willingness to go to the opening of an envelope is a claim to fame.

The token villain of the set is Matthew Wright who spends his time stirring up trouble from attempting to organise a strike amongst the contestants unless they are shaded from the sun by the rain canopy and then threw a wobbly with tears when no-one supported him.  He stamped off calling Kian Eagan a scab.  He then formed a coven with three witches when he found that Lucy Pargeter, Annabelle Giles, and surprisingly Laila Morse appeared jealous of the looks of Amy Willerton and began spreading bitter tales in order to turn the public against her.

Yesterday to no-one’s surprise after Wright had earned immunity from the elbow by winning a trial.  Annabelle Giles became the first to be ejected from the camp.  Wright then began sucking up to the camp by telling David Emmanuelle that he was such a lovely person and when they got out of the jungle he was going to stalk David for the rest of his life. If I was David the first thing that I would do when I returned to the UK would be to take out an anti-stalking protection order and then hire a couple of thugs to sort him.

Wright has proved to be such a scheming devious character that I’m sure he made this comment in an attempt to improve his poisonous persona.  The idiot like his acolyte Giles doesn’t seem to realise that the camera is recording their evil plotting because they both deny statements in an attempt to make somebody else the villain.

Giles left the jungle spitting nails about Amy who repeated what she had said on camera, that she wanted to be ejected soon because she just wanted a luxury holiday with her daughter.  The poisonous Annabelle Giles denied saying any such thing and that it was Amy plotting.

The remaining coven members Matthew who is a real pig’s orphan, Lucy a devious bully and Laila who surprised everyone with her spite against Amy appears to be everyone’s favourite Granny, (Think …… Yer canna shove yer granny aff a bus – singing I will if you will, so will I), one would like to think that she has been got at by the rest of the cabal of witches but then again she does look like one albeit a cockney one – Gercha!

The remaining contestants come across as fairly nice people and I actually couldn’t care less who wins after all it’s only a game.  Right that’s it, I promise that there will be no more frivolous reports on this silly reality show from me.  I truly have no idea why I watch it but please get that awful Matthew OUT soon!



About Jake

Long retired travel writer, author and freelance journalist. Educated at Wolverton Grammar and Greenwich Naval College. Happily married since 1958, with a married son and daughter, a married granddaughter and an adult grandson. Hobbies rock-climbing, dinghy racing and ocean racing. Still regularly working out in the gym.
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