The Knicker Saga

I had a free £20 Amazon Gift Card, so being a nice person, I asked my darling wife, ‘Pollyanna’; if she would needed anything?  She opted for some new knickers.  What else can you buy a lady who has everything?

l opened the Amazon page and she chose a pack of five pairs of white cotton pants. They duly arrived on next day Prime delivery.  Lo and behold it was my fault even though she had chosen them, they were ‘Hipsters’ lower than most teenagers would have chosen.  “Not worry my love, I’ll send them back and get a refund. Have you ever tried to return an item to Amazon for a refund?  Bear in mind we are declared vulnerable persons and have been on lockdown for 15 months, hence the reason we are Prime Amazon Members.

The simplest way that suit’s Amazon rather than taking it down to Morrison’s to be collected from the Amazon locker, was for Hermès to collect it from our home!  – Another stay at home day to await collection  8am to 10pm bless them they called at 11am.

Because I was looking for Brownie Points I took it upon myself, not to wait for a refund and ordered the most expensive, high waisted, cotton with 5% Spandex knickers in Black, to be delivered tomorrow.  At 6.35 am I received notification that Pollyanna’s pants were to be delivered by 10pm, it was accompanied by a photo of the knickers but the photo was of beige knickers   – right make – right style – wrong colour!  What should I do?  Well what I did was throw my toys out of the pram with the unfortunate lady at Amazon, who had the temerity to ask me “How can I help you?

I must admit that a couple of hours after venting my spleen I did feel slightly embarrassed (only slightly) at some of my rather aggressive language but that’s what she gets paid for.  She couldn’t explain why my order of black knickers which she agreed was for black became changed to beige.  – wrong order cancelled and a new order placed for the expensive, high waisted, ladies pants in Black.  They were of course going to be a day late.

The following morning the confirmation arrived notifying me at 8am that the black pants were on their way and would be delivered before 10pm.  Another wasted day for one of us!

10pm arrives, no Amazon delivery! – at 10.15 pm an email arrives apologising, Amazon had failed to include your item in today’s delivery.  We will email you when the item becomes available.  At 6.35 the following morning, lucky me, we have located your item, it will be delivered before 10pm today.  Pollyanna decided that I was not a suitable person to be answering the door to Amazon delivery – fortunately the delivery appeared at 6.10 pm, the bell rang, she opened the door and the parcel sat on the path in front of the door.  No sign of Amazon man  he had even avoided our video door bell which is triggered when anyone comes through the front gate.  When I said, there is no proof of delivery, I think I’ll deny it was delivered.  It was enough to set Pollyanna off on another tirade.  – I don’t deserve this, all did was tell her that I had a free Amazon Voucher for £20 and she could buy anything she wanted with it.  I am going to relate this sorry tale to Amazon but I’ve decided to spare the unfortunate lady who answers the phone with “Customer Services, how can I help?

Instead this is being published on my blog, then posted on Facebook, I shall then forward it as an attachment when I email my complaint to Customer Services  I shall be ultra polite just asking for their response.

By the way Pollyanna loves her black, high waist knickers, but if anyone thinks of sending me an Amazon Gift Voucher, please think of an alternative present.  I suppose it did give me a something to write about and that keeps my brain ticking over.  I shall return!



About Jake

Long retired travel writer, author and freelance journalist. Educated at Wolverton Grammar and Greenwich Naval College. Happily married since 1958, with a married son and daughter, a married granddaughter and an adult grandson. Hobbies rock-climbing, dinghy racing and ocean racing. Still regularly working out in the gym.
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