For years I have been either self employed or an employer; I had to be because my very nature meant that quite early on I discovered that I was unemployable. I always felt my opinion was far more sensible that those of any boss, so if you use any of my pithy expressions and they get you the sack, don’t blame me. Only use them on those beneath you in the pecking order.
1) Thank you… We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
2) I don’t know what your problem is, but I bet it’s hard to pronounce.
3) Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
4) I like you. You remind of when I was young and stupid.
5) I am not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
6) I am already visualising you with duct tape over your mouth.
7) Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
8) I will always cherish the misconceptions I had about you.
9) I don’t have an attitude; I have a personality that you can’t handle
10) When would you like an appointment then? How about never? Is never good for you too?
11) Honestly, I am really easy to get along with, once you all learn to worship me…
12) You sound reasonable, must be time for my medication.
13) I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
14) I am out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
15) Who me? I don’t work here, I’m a consultant I just wander from room to room looking important.
16) You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
17) I see you have set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
18) Someday we will look back on our work days together, laugh nervously and change the subject.
19) I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t care.
20) Thank-you. It’s a privilege to work with and serve beside you.
Hope you all have a nice day at work. I know that I will because I retired a while ago. Close the door on your way out.